Top Ten Movies
It’s My List
For reasons unknown to me, I decided last night to try and compile a list of my top ten favorite movies. This is a list I have been compiling and refining for as long as I can remember, as I’m sure many other obsessive-compulsive movie lovers do.
I would like to point out that this list is NOT, and this is important, the top ten best movies ever made. That is a completely different list, with different criteria for judging. I’m talking about my ten favorite. That is, the ten movies I would take with me if… uh, I was sent to Antarctia for a year and could only take 10 DVDs. These are movies that I have watched a hundred times, and would be happy to watch a hundred more. The movies that someone can come over to my house and say, “Let’s watch X,” and my reaction will always be, “Shit, bitch, that’s all you had to say!”
There are currently six movies that are on the list for life, I expect, unless there comes a series of well-written D&D-style fantasy movies starring Monica Bellucci with hardcore porn and Woo Ping martial arts choreography.
I’m not holding my breath.
With six out of ten slots already taken, competition for the last four slots is, as I’m sure you can imagine, fierce. I have isolated 20 potentials that I will have to weed down. I’ll start off with the Big Six, and then go through my narrowing process on the rest. If you find that you disagree with my final conclusions, screw you. Make your own damn list.
The Big Six
1. Kill Bill Vol. I
Holy crap, this is a good movie. I never get tired of watching it. Even the (rare) parts with no ass kicking. A revenge story shaved down to the ‘good parts’, like William Goldman did when he abridged S. Morgenstern’s “The Princess Bride”, Kill Bill Vol. I opens with one of the most brutal fight scenes I’ve ever seen, and rockets on from there. When the deadliest woman in the world is double-crossed in the worst way possible, no force in Heaven or Hell is going to stop her from getting payback. Not even 88 crazy people with samurai swords.
2. The Matrix
Say what you will about the sequels, but the original is still unstoppable. The first movie ever to combine whoop-ass martial arts with state of the art CGI, trippy existentialism, and a cast with serious star power. I’m not a big Keanu fan in general, but his “Whoa,” style of acting was just right for a character who is having the world around him peeled away and learning that all existence as he knew it, well, didn’t exist. There is no spoon.
3. Brotherhood of the Wolf
God DAMN, Monica Bellucci is hot! Sorry, but I needed to get that out of the way. She’s not the only (or even the main) reason why I love this movie, but if you ever wonder why I stand by the statement that she is the sexiest woman alive, just see this film.
4. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (Extended Director’s Cut)
The Hobbit was the first non-school book I ever read that didn’t have pictures. I think that fact shaped who I am today as much as anything in the world. All those endless hours spent playing D&D were just a vain attempt to find my way back to Middle-Earth. There are nits I can pick with Peter Jackson’s renditions of The Two Towers and The Return of the King, but the Fellowship is spot the fuck on.
5. The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars is low-budget and annoying at times. Return of the Jedi has perhaps the best opening sequence of any movie ever, but it falls flat afterwards, resting on its laurels and being carried by a bunch of Muppets. Empire, however, well that’s an endless roller-coaster of action, excitement, and quotable lines. I mean, come on! “I’d just as soon kiss a wookie?” “This is no cave?” “I am your father?” I’m getting all geeked up just thinking about it.
6. South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut
I love hot showers. No matter what was wrong with me, I’ve never in my life felt worse coming out of a shower than I did going in. This movie is a shower for your soul. I have yet to encounter a depth of sorrow, misery, or self-loathing that a chorus of “Uncle Fucker” can’t cheer me up from. And that’s saying a lot.
Twenty Hopefuls
That out of the way, we are left with 20 movies contending for the coveted 4 slots remaining in the top ten. They are as follows, in no particular order:
1. The Crow
The Kill Bill of its day, Eric Draven’s quest for revenge transcends death and morality. Incredible sequences of superhuman action surround heartbreaking scenes of loss and despair. Plus, the soundtrack rocks. But does the top ten have room for two revenge movies? Let’s keep this one in the running a while.
2. Office Space
Made by Mike Judge, the mind and voice behind King of the Hill and Beavis & Butthead, this movie speaks right to everyone who’s ever worked in a cubicle. Like a Dilbert cartoon, it is both hilarious and horrifying, because if you get the joke, it means you live in that same depressing, soul-crushing world they are mocking. Keep.
3. Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker
In many ways, this is the best movie on the list. But there’s one flaw: direct to video. Since I need ways to trim the list, let’s keep it to theatrical releases. Cut.
4. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
This movie is beauty beyond words. The grace of motion and the richness of color, the rustle of dry leaves and the weightlessness of spirit. It pains me to cut it from the top ten. It’s been in there for so long. Keep.
5. X2: X-Men United
Possibly the best comic book movie ever made. The attack on the X-mansion. The war on mutants. Magneto’s prison break. Damn, it’s good. Keep.
6. The Nightmare Before Christmas
This musical masterpiece is the height of Tim Burton’s power. Anyone who says stop-motion animation is obsolete needs to see this movie and then write “I will not be a pompous ass” a hundred times on the blackboard. Still, it’s not top ten. Cut.
7. Holy Grail
As in “Monty Python and the Quest for the…”. Like many geeks, I probably have this movie memorized. I can’t stop myself from mouthing the words as the characters speak them. But that very strength is the movies greatest weakness. It’s like a police dog that sniffs out dorks instead of drugs. Cut.
8. Princess Bride
“I do not think you will accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.” Keep.
9. The Incredibles
This movie would be top ten easy, if not for the fact that it is a blatant and horrible copyright infringement on the Fantastic Four. The greatest shame is that it’s way better than the Fantastic four movie. Cut.
10. LA Confidential
An all star cast, brilliant acting, and brutal violence is still not enough to keep this movie in the top ten. Let’s blame it on Kim Basinger. Who are these people that find her attractive? I’d just as soon fuck a scarecrow. Cut.
11. Raiders of the Lost Ark
Oooh. Tough one. I don’t think I need to tell anyone why this movie is awesome, but we’ve already got a George Lucas/Harrison Ford movie up on the big board. Cut.
12. Clueless
Screw you. It’s my list, and I say Clueless is a great movie. But top ten great? No.
13. American Beauty
This movie accomplishes what so many other movies fail to do. It shows that underneath the masks we wear, we are all raging torrents of conflicting emotion, threatening to swallow us and everyone around us. But in that shared weakness, there is hope for a better tomorrow. On the other hand, it is a little pretentious. Cut.
14. Desperado
This movie was in the top ten when it first came out, but it’s been bumped pretty far down since. Salma Hayek is smokin’ hot, though. Cut.
15. Pulp Fiction
What was in the suitcase? Why does Marsellus Wallace have a band-aid on the back of his neck? Sorry, Quentin. One movie in the top ten is your limit. Cut.
16. Unforgiven
I wish I could take Clint Eastwood from this movie and put him in a live action “Batman: The Dark Knight Returns”. That would be so awesome. This is a great movie. Definitely in the top 20. Cut.
17. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
If you don’t know that this movie is fantastic, that’s your misfortune. It’s bona fide. Keep.
18. The Usual Suspects
I think the fact that it’s got a Baldwin in it excludes this movie, despite it being so very tight otherwise. Cut.
19. Equilibrium
Fahrenheit 411 with the addition of martial arts and gun katas. Sooooo delicious. And the ladies love that Christian Bale. But the list is already so action-heavy. Cut.
20. The Great Escape
Man, this movie is so good. All the badasses of yesteryear in an all-star cast. Steve McQueen, James Garner, James Coburn, even a 20-year-old Charles Bronson! All teaming up to stick it to the Nazis by escaping their unescapable prison in droves. Take that, you Ratzi bastards! Keep.
Seven Soldiers
So we’re left with seven movies, and only four slots:
1. The Crow
2. Office Space
3. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
4. X2
5. The Princess Bride
6. The Great Escape
7. Brother, Where Art Thou?
I guess we can lose The Crow, since, as I said, we already have a revenge movie on the list. Office Space probably isn’t as funny in Antarctica. And last… Sorry, Crouching Tiger. I think you’ve slipped to #11. Next time, try doing it in English, like civilized people.
Final Tally
1. Kill Bill Vol. 1
2. The Matrix
3. Brotherhood of the Wolf
4. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
5. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
6. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
7. The Princess Bride
8. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
9. X2: X-Men United
10. The Great Escape
Commence disagreements.
P.S.
Honorable mention goes to Fight Club. Sometimes the only way to keep your sanity is to punch someone in the face, and take a shot in return. Like it or not, violence is hard-wired into men, and the modern world has no place for it.
That shit can drive you nuts.
Mickie (mail) (web)
10:33 pm, may 28, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
I think thats a pretty good mix of movies. Quite a few of them are on my list of favorites too. Princess Bride being absolutely by far, my most favorite movie ever in the whole widest world. Kill Bill, again, excellent flick, Uma Thurman is beyond incredible. O Brother…. another great giggle flick.
Another great movie is “Dog Show” if you havent seen it.
Thanks for the reminders of some great movies!!
2 Dani (mail) (web)
10:17 am, may 29, 2006 EDT (edit) (delete) (report spam)
I think this person means Best In Show, a Christopher Guest movie. I did like A Mighty Wind, but that’s pretty much all I can take of those “mock-u-mentaries”. (With the exception, of course, of This Is Spinal Tap, which, like Princess Bride and Clueless, is eminently quotable.) I tried to sit through Waiting For Guffman, but that was intolerable. I didn’t even try with Best In Show.
And oh, yes, I will be making my own list. I swear to you, it will be done.
3 Myke (mail)
11:39 am, may 29, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
What about Casablanca? High Noon? Alexander Nevsky? Black Hawk Down? Time Bandits? And why does LOTR I beat out LOTR III? Why Empire instead of Return of The Jedi?
I find your taste in films. . . disturbing.
4 Peat (mail) (web)
5:24 pm, may 29, 2006 EDT (edit) (delete) (report spam)
Casablanca, High Noon, and Alexander Nevsky are elitist bullcrap. No one our age should be expected to consider those favorites. Black Hawk Down was okay, but I’m not in a hurry to see it again, much less 100 times. LOTR III fucked up the scene with Eowyn and the Nazgul, which is my favorite scene in all fantasy literature. I will always hold a grudge to Peter Jackson for bungling it.
And all Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.
5 Matt
5:05 pm, may 30, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
Myke — Don’t be such a sellout. Nobody actually likes those movies anymore.
Peat — I won’t make fun of your list. It isn’t terrible.
Mine would probably include some or all of the following:
1. Se7en (pretentious spelling included!)
2. Natural Born Killers (I keep thinking I’ve outgrown it… but then I get sucked in. It’s Bonnie & Clyde meets Sid & Nancy with a kickass Trent Reznor soundtrack.)
3. Night of the Living Dead (original… but I’d take the remake, the Dawn of the Dead remake, or Shaun of the Dead too in a pinch.)
4. Dog Day Afternoon (perfect 70s Pacino with a crazy out-of-left-field character twist)
5. Glengarry Glenross (dialogue like music and Jack Lemmon is a great miserable shlub.)
6. Anchorman (a comedy snowball… it keeps getting funnier every time I see it!)
7. Desperado (I’d keep it on mine just because YOU cut it from yours… fool.)
This isn’t an official list and I’m doing it off the top of my head, so I won’t try to do the full 10.
6 Matt
5:06 pm, may 30, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
Oh yeah — Also Monster Squad, Goonies, The Abyss, and Goodfellas. Still no comic movies… hrm.
7 Peat (mail) (web)
8:27 pm, may 30, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
Se7en rocks. Natural Born Killers… meh. It was definitely disturbing, but I ain’t eager to see it again. I don’t remember Night of the Living Dead at all, and Dani and I watched Shaun of the Dead like 3 weeks ago and I don’t even remember that. Maybe I just naturally forget zombie movies.
Never seen Dog Day afternoon. Dani bought a copy like six months ago, and we keep meaning to watch it. Just yesterday I suggested it, but Dani voted for Half-Baked instead. My reply was, “Okay, but the time is fast approaching when we will watch Dog Day Afternoon.”
Glengarry was okay, but I’ve never understood your love of it. Your Anchorman assessment is dead on. It gets funnier each time.
Uh… Never seen Monster Squad or the Abyss. Goodfellas seems to be in a lot of people’s top ten, but I don’t know why. I liked it, but nowhere near that much.
But Matt, seriously, if you were going to Antarctica, and could only bring 10 movies, all of which you had already seen, would you honestly contemplate bringing The Goonies?
8 Myke (mail)
10:53 pm, may 30, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
Natural Born Killers was seriously disturbing. Come to think of it, so was Se7en.
Casablanca and High Noon are two of the best movies ever made. Alexander Nevsky has perhaps the greatest battle scene in cinema. Just because a movie is old doesn’t necessarily mean its bad. I know you’ve seen Nevsky and Casablanca, but have you ever seen High Noon?
The Goonies? HAHAHAHAHA
9 Peat (mail) (web)
9:59 am, may 31, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
Make your own damn list. Your pretentious, dated nonsense isn’t getting anywhere near mine.
You keep going on and on about that Nevsky scene, but when I finally watched it, it looked retarded. All the weapons looked like they were tin foil wrapped around sticks, the costumes were crap, and everyone was just flailing about randomly. If you think that compares to Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli kicking Uruk Hai ass, well, that’s your misfortune.
I liked Casablanca, but it’s not even in my top 100.
I don’t reckon I’ve ever seen High Noon.
10 Matt
10:37 am, may 31, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
I have to at least consider The Goonies, as it is the movie by which I judge all other nostalgic favorites.
The Shining might have to be included too. But then again, I’d be just as happy with Tommy Boy. Go figure.
Oh, and Ghostbusters. GREAT movie. And Groundhog Day. Bill Murray is the best.
11 dani (mail) (web)
9:38 pm, may 31, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
How has no one mentioned any John Hughes movies? Breakfast Club is possibly one of the most insightful films ever made — it perfectly encompasses all the angst, the schadenfreude, the whole gestalt of high school. John Hughes gets it, man. Totally.
You’re all neo-maxi-zoom-dweebies.
12 Peat (mail) (web)
11:05 pm, may 31, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
Did you honestly just use the word “gestalt”?
Nerd.
13 Myke (mail)
3:43 pm, Jun 1, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
That’s not the part I like best about Nevsky. It’s the part where the Teutonic Knights are charging across the ice and you get these closeup shots of the cruciform occulariums in their helms, all shadowy and grainy, with the (unfortunately also grainy) Prokofiev score going in the background. It’s kind of like the original Nosferatu. It’s SO much scarier than later vampire flicks largely because of the older cinematic technology.
You really need to see High Noon. I’m coming up next weekend, btw. I’ll bring my copy.
14 Peat (mail) (web)
4:10 pm, Jun 1, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
Oh, uh, yeah. I totally forgot about the… uh, cruciform… occulariums (occularia?), and the Prhjkyfv score.
You’re right. Now it’s totally better than The Matrix.
15 Matt
4:45 pm, Jun 1, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
John Hughes should do a movie about Teutonic Knights using realllly old equipment.
16 Myke (mail)
9:11 pm, Jun 1, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
You know, you might have something there. He could cast Anthony Michael Hall as an angsty young Teutonic squire mad at the fact that he’s failing out of jousting class.
I thought about what movies I can’t stop watching when I stumble upon them while channel surfing (in my limited free time). A couple that come to mind are Shawshank Redemption, Conan, the original Godfather, Rudy, and Silence of the Lambs. Under the given criteria, great movies that are among my favorites might not always be the ones I want to see over and over again such as Sleepers and “The Game” (Michael Douglas). Need to give it more thought…
Off the top of my head…
I would def have The Goonies, I loved Return of the Jedi because of the ‘muppets’ lol, Footloose, The Usual Suspects, agree with Dani for The Breakfast Club – brilliant film. Armageddon is another I could watch again and again and I would have to throw Pretty Woman into the mix purely for it’s quotability factor. 3 left hmmm.
Oops nearly forgot Resevoir Dogs and for Xmas in Antartica I would definitely need Love Actually
which leaves 1 more slot for… Gone in 60 seconds.
*Cough Cough* Excuse me Mr Writer man, but I love violence just as much as any guy *nods*
Its a Darren Bousman movie, same as Saw !
I watched Saw…..with my mum.
You should watch ‘Repo! The Genetic Opera’ its awesome
Here’s a more up to date list:
1. The Dark Knight
2. Kill Bill Vol. 1
3. The Matrix
4. Brotherhood of the Wolf
5. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
6. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
7. Iron Man
8. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
9. The Princess Bride
10. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Woo! I totally agree with The Dark knight! Not just coz it has Heath ledger in it but coz its awesome!
I prefer your new list, Peat!
The Dark Knight #1, wooo! best movie ever! Iron Man is awesome, too (and Robert Downey Jr so brilliant and… HOT)
I’ve just finished the translation of the whole post (plus your new list) for the french board ^^