Top Ten Albums
Analyticals
Do you love to take things apart, just to see how they work? Do you love Su Doku? Do you excel at math-based games like RISK and Dungeons & Dragons? Do you feel the need to dissect, analyze, and optimize every aspect of your life?
Chances are, you’ve got an analytical personality.
Analyticals used to get proper respect. We had our own section of the GRE, and everything. But then a few years ago, things like study and fact-based results went out of style and everything became PR. “Truth” became abstract, and they didn’t have use for us analyticals out there.
But we’re still out there, behind you on line for coffee, next to you at the movie theater, maybe even in bed with you, making our little mental lists and checking them twice, weighing and judging everything and everyone against some vague and ever-shifting meta-criteria.
We also make top ten lists. Here for you is one such:
My Top Ten Favorite Albums
Again, this is ‘favorite’, not best ever made. Some titles might overlap both lists, but ‘favorite’ is far more personal, whereas ‘best ever made’ is a cold and calculating place.
To keep it fair, no artist or group can be in the list twice. Let’s not get ridiculous. So I went through all my CD’s, and Made a list of 30 contenders. Let’s make them fight it out, shall we?
In no particular order:
1. Extraordinary Machine – Fiona Apple
See previous rant. Keep.
2. Operation Mindcrime – Queensryche
Rock Opera. Attack on the 80’s political Right. Love story. Who killed Mary?
Let’s just pretend 2006’s Operation Mindcrime II didn’t happen, okay? Keep.
3. Physical Graffiti – Led Zeppelin
I once knew this guy named Alex, who told me, “When you get sick to fucking death of all your CD’s and think you would rather poke your eyes out than listen to any one of them again, go back to Physical Graffiti.”
Ain’t that the truth. Keep.
4. Boys for Pele – Tori Amos
Took a long time to decide on this one. I had a serious Tori phase that lasted years. Under the Pink was the one that got me into her. But then my at-the-time girlfriend came to terms with her rape because of Little Earthquakes. I settle on Pele because of my enormous respect for Tori’s devotion to the craft of making music.
Tori came one the scene with a glam metal album (Y Kant Tori Read), then dropped off the Earth and returned with a “just me and my piano” thing (Little Earthquakes), which she perfected soon after (Under the Pink). Then she said “okay, I’ve done the piano thing to death. I’m switching to the pipe organ. Like it or lump it.” and made Pele. That was ballsy. A shift that dramatic is what separates musicians and artists. Respect.
Her next album was a dance album (From the Choirgirl Hotel), which was ballsy, too, but it’s not as good. She’s been in a slump ever since, though. I think her art came from angst, and she used it all up after Choirgirl. Still, this kind of risk-taking is what separates the good from the great. As Wayne Campbell put it: “Led Zeppelin didn’t write songs that everyone liked. They Left that to the Bee Gees.”
Word.
Keep.
5. Audioslave – Audioslave
Proof that superbands CAN work.
Remember how awesome the Battle for Los Angeles and Superunknown were? And remember how bummed you were that Rage and Soundgarden broke up? And how you almost crapped yourself when you thought of Tom Morello and Chris Cornell collaborating? And when it looked like the band broke up before releasing their first album, but all the songs were leaked to the internet and everyone loved them so much that the band took note and got back together and have been rocking the fuck out of people ever since?
That was cool.
Keep.
6. Licensed to Ill – Beastie Boys
I have such a love/hate relationship with this album. Always did. I hated rap and loved this album. WTF? Cut.
7. Chronicle – Creedence Clearwater Revival.
Sorry, Suzie Q. Cut.
8. Kick – INXS
Hallucinate. Desegregate. Meditate. Alleviate. Try not to hate. Love your mate. Don’t suffocate on your own hate. Designate your love as fate. A one world state As human freight. The number eight. A white black state. A gentle trait. The broken crate. A heavy weight. Or just too late. Like pretty Kate has sex ornate… Argh.
Cut.
9. Throwing Copper – Live
This is a really good fucking album. Cut.
10. Wiseblood – King Swamp
Yeah, I know you never heard of them. They had their 15 minutes on MTV, but I think I’m the only person in the world that actually liked them. Still, Wiseblood is a seriously good album. Competition, however, is fierce. Cut.
11. Antichrist Superstar – Marilyn Manson
I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers? Awesome. Still, there’s better out there. Cut.
12. Ten – Pearl Jam
Nothing will ever knock this out of the Top Ten.
13. Pretty Hate Machine – NiN
Ever have sex to this album? If not, I highly recommend it. Keep.
14. The Divine Comedy – Milla Jovovich
Yeah, she used to be a musician. Who knew? Keep.
15. Master of Puppets – Metallica
MoP? Aw, Hell! I’m puttin’ that shit on right the fuck now! Keep.
16. Thirteenth Step – A Perfect Circle
Ugh! Can’t… keep… everything..! Cut.
17. Battle for Los Angeles – Rage Against the Machine
I think “rapcore” born and died with this band. It was a new sound, never equalled since. The problem was, Zak de la Rocha was too political, while Tom Morello and the others were just like, “chill dude, we just wanna play music.” Plus, I’ve got Audioslave on the list. Cut.
18. When I Woke – Rusted Root
I was really into this album in college, when my childhood friend who learned to ski with me, Mark, was killed in an avalanche in Alaska while skiing. Apparently, it was his favorite band, and his uncle played “Back to the Earth” at his funeral. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and that song still makes me think of him. Keep.
19. Sounds of Silence – Simon & Garfunkel
I wonder what it was like in the 60’s, listening to this album for the first time. Gorgeous music. Keep.
20. Gish – Smashing Pumpkins
“I Am One.” Billy Corgan at his best. Cut.
21. Ten summoners Tales – Sting
How did this get on the list? Cut.
22. Core – Stone Temple Pilots
This would be top ten, if they didn’t plagairize the whole thing. Cut.
23. Reading, Writing & Arithmetic – The Sundays
Hmm. Sweet, but cut.
24. Undertow – Tool
You bet your sweet ass I’m keeping that. “Intolerance” makes me think of my brother. How fucked up is that?
25. The Crow – Soundtrack
Can you find a song on this album that’s not awesome? I didn’t think so. Keep.
26. The Matrix – Soundtrack
Really, really, REALLY good. But the Crow is better, and I don’t want this to be all showtunes. Cut.
27. Bigger, Longer, & Uncut – Soundtrack
Same here. This is already in my list of favorite movies. Why double-dip? Cut.
28. Tocatta & Fuge – Johann Sebastian Bach
Does this even count? Cut.
29. Unnamed – Beatles
I don’t have a favorite Beatles album. Is that some kind of crime? For some reason, the Beatles are just one big lump of music to me. No album really distinguishes itself. Cut.
30. Pure Rock Fury – Clutch
How did I just get into Clutch recently? The mind boggles. But since I got their whole catalogue all at once, I can’t tell the albums apart. Cut.
What’s Left? The Unlucky Number
1. Extraordinary Machine – Fiona Apple
Keep.
2. Operation Mindcrime – Queensryche
Keep.
3. Physical Graffiti – Led Zeppelin
Keep.
4. Boys for Pele – Tori Amos
Keep.
5. Audioslave – Audioslave
Sorry, guys. You gave a good fight.
6. Ten – Pearl Jam
Keep.
7. Pretty Hate Machine – NiN
Keep.
8. The Divine Comedy – Milla Jovovich
Ah, Milla, why did you leave music? Sigh.
The 5th Element sucked. Cut.
9. Master of Puppets – Metallica
Keep.
10. When I Woke – Rusted Root
It’s very strength is its weakness. Who wants to be sad all the time? Cut.
11. Sounds of Silence – Simon & Garfunkel
Keep.
12. Undertow – Tool
Keep.
13. The Crow – Soundtrack
Keep.
Final Tally
In order of preference, one being the best:
01. Ten – Pearl Jam
02. Physical Graffiti – Led Zeppelin
03. Master of Puppets – Metallica
04. Undertow – Tool
05. The Crow – Soundtrack
06. Boys for Pele – Tori Amos
07. Extraordinary Machine – Fiona Apple
08. Pretty Hate Machine – NiN
09. Sounds of Silence – Simon & Garfunkel
10. Operation Mindcrime – Queensryche
1 Matt
9:42 am, Jun 6, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
No Nirvana?
I would’ve kept Antichrist Superstar. I love that sh!t. I’d also have some White Stripes on there. Some Queens of the Stone Age too MAYBE. Pixies, “Surfer Rosa” for sure. Guns N Roses “Appetite” absolutely. King of Leon “Aha Shake Heartbreak” is one of my current favorite albumns and Faith No More “The Real Thing was the first albumn I bought for myself with my own money and played out. Both might have a spot on the list. For Pearl Jam… I’d go with “Vs” or “Vitalogy” over “Ten” because they were so much more interesting. I wouldn’t waste my time putting Beatles or Zeppelin or anything else just to tip my hat to the classics. I’d be more likely to put a Motley Crue album on the list instead.
2 Peat (mail) (web)
12:53 pm, Jun 6, 2006 EDT (edit) (delete) (report spam)
I love Nirvana, but in my mind, Pearl Jam always trumps them. I did, however, have an awesome time in the mosh pit of the concert Nirvana did at my college, not long before Kurt Cobain Killed himself.
(While I’m on the subject, I also saw INXS play just before Michael Hutchence killed himself. Maybe I just have that effect on frontmen. Should I test it by going to see Kevin Federline in concert?)
Antichrist Superstar is awesome. That was hard to cut. Vs. was definitely in the running, but Ten represents a huge leap forward for music at the time, and needs proper respect. I don’t think Vitalogy was anywhere NEAR as good as Ten and Vs. No Code was solid, but it’s been downhill from there.
I can’t believe I left off Appetite for Destruction. Dammit! I need to cut something from the top ten to accomodate that. Totally forgot it. I have two excuses:
1) I compiled the list by going through my CD case, and I don’t own Appetite on CD. I had the cassette, and then copied MP3’s of it from the Pickytarian.
2) I was literally falling asleep at the keyboard last night. Notice all the typos, and how my comments get shorter and shorter for each album?
Faith No More: The Real Thing was a great fucking album, but I would argue their next one, Angel Dust, was even better. They also played at my school. Mike Patton shoved the mike in his ass, then was running around putting it in people’s faces.
Classy.
3 Jeremy Donelson (mail) (web)
9:39 am, Jun 8, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
I could never make a list of 10 favorite albums. I mean I could, but it would change by the hour.
FNM: Angel Dust would definitely be in the running, though.
As for PJ albums, I would go with Yield. I sort of see it as PJ’s Physical Graffitti, or maybe their Led Zeppelin IV. (Yes, I think about these things way to much.) Ten was great, but by Yield, they’ve perfected their sound, expanded their breadth, and become a generally more mature and confident band. The production on that album is also a lot nicer, more stripped down and clean. Eddie was really singing at this point instead of growling and bellowing, and the songwriting (Wishlist, Faithful, Given To Fly, Do The Evolution, In Hiding) is like the pure essence of what I love about the band.
By the way, next time Matt gets mad about me saying he has bad taste, I have a new exhibit A: his comment about including Motley Crue instead of the Beatles or Led Zeppelin.
4 Matt
9:20 am, Jun 9, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
I’m just being honest.
At least I don’t hate the Who for being british. Go draw.
5 Myke (mail)
8:23 pm, Jun 10, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
There’s got to be a French act out there I can hate for being French.
6 Peat (mail) (web)
12:52 pm, Jun 11, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
This chick’s French.
Hate her. I dare you.
7 Myke (mail)
10:43 pm, Jun 11, 2006 EDT (delete) (report spam)
You’re right, I don’t hate her for being French.
I hate her for not f$#king me.